Transfer Post From My Old Blog: My Personal List of "Things Not To Do," Inspired by EMS

As a disclaimer, I am not your health care provider. I don't even know you. If you're having a medical emergency, initiate emergency services as is appropriate where you live (typically, call 9-1-1). If it's not an emergency, talk to your physician. The below anecdotes are fictional stories that have merely been based on real life experiences; there is no identifying information - it has either been changed, or excluded from the story. The below opinions are mine; they in no way represent protocol in my area, the views of my certifying agency, or anyone/thing else. Don't be stupid.

Dear World,
Please:

• Don't let your child decide that, if the seat belt is uncomfortable, they can take it off... especially while you're driving while talking on your cell phone. You just might drift into oncomming traffic, and your kid might end up hitting the windshield.
  
• Don't talk/text on your cell phone when you're supposed to be driving. What you're talking about might become more important then you controlling that 2,000 lb car that you're driving.
• Don't take a hit of _____ (drug of choice) before going out to Burger King to get a cheese burger at 8:00 am. You will get in to an accident, and you will not get your cheeseburger (plus, BK doesn't serve lunch until 10:00am).
• Like wise, don't tell me you didn't take a hit of your drug of choice. Your pupils, a quick exam, and the syringe on the floor of your car are dead give-a-ways.
  
• If you have to call 9-1-1 for the cut you just got as you drunkenly/highly fell on broken beer bottles at 7 am, make sure your dealer and friends know that if they run when then officer gets on scene, the officer might get suspicious.
  
• Don't forget to take your medicine, oh CHF patient. It will kill you.
• If you were just in an accident, and are now having chest pain, don't call your bitchy/manipulative wife to see if she thinks that you should go to the hospital. Go. It's your life we're talking about, and your clock is ticking.
• Don't drive without your seatbelt on. Furthermore, when you get into a bad accident and I ask you why your seatbelt isn't on, don't tell me that its your choice. You are driving on a town/county/state/federally-owned road; the law is the law. It's not your right to take your seatbelt off when that obligates me to clean up the mess that will ensue.
  
• I'm an 18 year old volunteer. I want to help you. Don't yell at me.