Obviously, I'm not going to delete it, but I regret my last post. I was pretty shallow. That feeling lasted until I posted the blog and got it out of my system. I'm back to being head-over-heals for VGBF. He's coming to visit me in a few months. I'm very happy.

He and I talked again yesterday and today, and it was just nice and nonthreatening conversation. We just talked. It was awesome.

On to school:
I hate it. I want to leave.
My ideal situation would be to go to medical school in the UK, which means finishing this application, taking the UKCAT (which costs $170 and is a 2 hour drive from me), finding someone to write me a letter of recommendation, and then GETTING IN.
More likely situations include going to community college for resp. therapy or paramedicine OR staying in this shit hole.

WTF. Seriously?

Ok. So I hate college. I hate the people, and the place. I want to leave. But where do I go? I want to go to school in England, but I'm apparantly underqualified (which I think is a misunderstanding of the American educational system) and I don't have the money but I NEED to get out of here. Thegoddamn test that I'd need to take to even apply is like $170. Kill me.

And my VGBF is being a douche. He doesn't initiate any conversation with me, and when I try to he gives one word answers. It's like talking to the fucking wall. And seriously - I don't want to make it sound like he owes me, but I paid to get his plane ticket switched, and he borrowed $250 from me before he left...and hasn't paid me back. If he bothered to maintain our friendship I wouldnt be bothered, but now I feel like he just used me.

Urrg. My life.

I came out to the two girls at school who I'm close with. Obviously, they handled it like babies and facebook stalked people to try to get information. It was so irritating.

I talked to my very good British (VGBF) friend again today for a while. Basically, I miss him so much that it hurts, so talking to him is like an escape from the pain. He's still planning on coming to visit during break, so God-willing, it will happen. Already, though, I'm thinking about how tough it's going to be to say goodbye again. (BTW he recently updated his status on facebook to mention that he missed me).

I miss camp, too. I can't even describe it. If i could drop out of school today and go back to camp, I would. I would give anything to be at camp for my entire life, preferable with my VGBF.

I really want to leave the country. I'm thinking about possibly transferring into a school in the UK, but I think I might be too late for next school year and I definitely can't afford it... I just don't want to be in my school anymore. I'm at the point where I would even consider dropping out and becoming a medic at community college and then trying to move overseas. Maybe if I study abroad next year it will get this feeling out of me...I don't think so, though. I need to get out of this place.

I also want to go to England to visit, but I don't have the money for that. Maybe if I ask for money for Christmas and my birthday, I'll be able to go over between school-ending and camp-beginning.

IDK I'm done typing I think. I'll write more when I feel like it.